I read Dolly’s blog and was going to leave a comment. But what I have to say might be too long. This goes out to the betrayed. I am assuming all of your spouses have lied on some level about the affair. I know I did.
No matter how many phone records you look through. How many receipts you find. How many text or whatever it is you find that makes you think you have it figured out and you want us to answer in the way you think it happened. Let me just say your not completely right. Maybe some of what you think is. But here’s the thing. None of you have been in the situation. (Thank God) even though we (the betrayer) put ourselves there, you will never be able to make sense of it. Or understand it. Wether it’s because we started out lying or just because your imagination ran wild (which is usually worse than truth) it’s not going to make sense.
I wonder how many of you really want the truth. I wonder how many spouses finally gave in and told it your way just so the endless conversation of that one piece would be over. I know I have.
The truth will set you free?, no I think the betrayeds truth will set you free. We could tell the truth til we are blue in the face and most of the time the betrayed won’t be satisfied and we will end up telling you the lie you really believe.
Dont get me wrong I know we did it to ourselves. I get that. I know it’s a long road to recovery if that road is still paved. I know there will be triggers, broken hearts, fights, crying sessions and lots more.
As the betrayed, ask yourself do you want the truth or do you want your truth. As the betrayer I think we hear you say certain things and we fight you on it because there is a few pieces of what your saying that is wrong and to us those few things makes a difference. I can’t speak for the betrayed, but do those little pieces to the puzzle that you have wrong make a difference. Or should we just own up to it knowing it’s not the complete truth. Frankly I know I an tired of fighting with my spouse on those issues and finally started just agreeing with him. Right or wrong? Sometimes wrong because then that opens up another box.
So I’ll ask you again do you want the truth or your truth?
No one said this would be easy. I knew that it wouldn’t be. I’m not asking for being off the hook, or for someone to have sympathy for me.
Just a few things I thought of when I read the post.