What do I say

I know I’m writing a lot today. A couple different topics. My mind is swirling.

Here’s my question, what do I say now?

My husband everyday thinks I’m going to magically say something that will make it make sense or at the very least show some sort of love for him.

I read a blog and excuse me if I don’t remember who wrote it (I’ve been reading a lot of them) but she said that her husband is spending time with her. Doing all the little things to show he loves her. But it’s not enough after an affair. You know the snuggles. Or the cooking dinner little things that would have meant so much before but now mean nothing without the other. So I get that now. I get what I thought was showing him I love him was really not. I mean you need to do that to but it’s not the icing on the cake anymore.

What do I say now??

He believes I am still lying and he believes I’m still trying to keep part of it back for myself. Hidden within me. That’s not it at all. I don’t want any of it. I believe the reason he thinks that is because some of the things he believes to be true aren’t and I fight him on it. But what am I really fighting for? To win? To say see you were wrong about that but right about everything else. How ridiculous. I am fighting him on particulars that in the grand scheme of what I did, do they really mean anything.

What do I say now???

My husband always ask me what do I have to say for myself. I am silent. I have nothing to say for myself. Nothing he doesn’t already know. Silent for him is worse than anything but I don’t know what to say.

What do I say now????

My husband already ask me what do I have to say to him for him. I say ” I love you” but now those 3 little words that should have always meant so much. Mean nothing. How do you show someone you love them after all the horrible cruel things you have done to them. I see my husband. I see him for the man that he is. I see him for the man he tried to always be for me that I never let him be.

What do I say now ?????

That is the million dollar question. I am running out of time. I fear I already ran out of time years ago. But he loves me. He keeps trying to make a way for me. But I’m lost. I don’t know what to say. What to do. How to prove anything. Especially when he believes nothing I have to say. He tells me all the time he sees no difference between now and when I was having the affair except the OM isn’t here. Which that is my fault because I told him I loved him during the whole affair. I know. I know that is awful and sinister. I get it. But I’m paying for it now.

What do I say now??????

Edited to say. My husband also believes I should know what to do to make him feel a little better. I don’t. That haunts me. Why don’t I know. He says I sure knew how to ruin it I should know how to make it better. Again. I don’t. I’ve asked him what he needs. What he wants. He won’t tell me. I partially think it’s because he doesn’t know either. The other part is he does know somewhat but wants me to be on the same level as him. I mean if I love him I should know what he needs or wants right? Wrong. I have never been in this situation before so I don’t know what anyone would need. Truth. Yes I get that. But if you believe nothing is the truth then we’re do you go from there?

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12 thoughts on “What do I say”

    1. I know I love him. But I don’t know I have an answer for you. I know that when we are together without talking about this it’s great. But am I just trying to get back what I thought I should have had already? Or am I trying to just make it right in what I’ve done.

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      1. It sounds like you need to take more time to think about where you want to go now. That’s fine. I hope your husband does the same. You don’t want to divide everything up and go your separate ways and then you both realize maybe it was worth giving it one more try. I’m glad I didn’t rush into divorce. I wanted to but I learned (and was advised) to slow down and let some time pass first.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I found out almost 2 years ago, and it does get better for sure, but the pain is still there and what he did is always on my mind. This takes a while (they say 3-5 years but we’re all different), if there is love and you’re willing to do the work, it is so worth it xo

        Liked by 4 people

  1. Your question: I am fighting him on particulars that in the grand scheme of what I did, do they really mean anything.

    Yes, yes they do – these minor details that confuse the betrayer mean everything to the betrayed, and need to be asked and answered over and over and over.

    What do you say now?

    That you love him and you hate the pain you caused him.
    That you love him and will do whatever it takes, for however long.
    That you love him and don’t ever want to be without him.
    That you love him and made the most horrific choice.
    That you love him and were selfish.
    That you love him and just him being beside you makes you feel whole.
    That you love him and will answer each and every question honestly as to the facts of what you did (not what you didn’t do).
    That you love him and are so disgusted you can’t even look in the mirror at yourself.
    That you love him and are so so so sorry.

    I feel for you, this is so hard and you feel like you don’t have any control. I really hope this works out for you xo

    Liked by 4 people

  2. In the end Rich said that I wanted him to tell me what I wanted to hear, what I had made up in my head, and he was not prepared ro do that. At that point I realised that I had to believe what I wanted to believe and go from there.
    Dolly is right, you cannot get back what you had, the only thing available is to build something new, and that takes time.
    All the small things are really important because eventually they build a bigger, and sometimes better thing. Don’t stop doing them.
    Moisy

    Liked by 3 people

  3. And with all ^ said – a year out isnt shit after an affair! Some say it takes 2 to 5 to recover and in all honesty, it really does. I hated hearing that cuz it just seemed like forever to feel that pain but the first year is the worst! I guess the second year is a little better, maybe? – just cuz it should all be out at that point then by year three and four (I dont know about 5 cuz I am only at year 4) the relationship is either building new or completely crumbling. I am no expert but I am living through my husbands betrayal. At year four, we dont even bring it up. We are good. Dont get me wrong, its always going to be there, it is apart of our history now but its obviously not something that we like to emphasize. Best of luck!

    Liked by 2 people

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