I know I’m writing a lot today. A couple different topics. My mind is swirling.
Here’s my question, what do I say now?
My husband everyday thinks I’m going to magically say something that will make it make sense or at the very least show some sort of love for him.
I read a blog and excuse me if I don’t remember who wrote it (I’ve been reading a lot of them) but she said that her husband is spending time with her. Doing all the little things to show he loves her. But it’s not enough after an affair. You know the snuggles. Or the cooking dinner little things that would have meant so much before but now mean nothing without the other. So I get that now. I get what I thought was showing him I love him was really not. I mean you need to do that to but it’s not the icing on the cake anymore.
What do I say now??
He believes I am still lying and he believes I’m still trying to keep part of it back for myself. Hidden within me. That’s not it at all. I don’t want any of it. I believe the reason he thinks that is because some of the things he believes to be true aren’t and I fight him on it. But what am I really fighting for? To win? To say see you were wrong about that but right about everything else. How ridiculous. I am fighting him on particulars that in the grand scheme of what I did, do they really mean anything.
What do I say now???
My husband always ask me what do I have to say for myself. I am silent. I have nothing to say for myself. Nothing he doesn’t already know. Silent for him is worse than anything but I don’t know what to say.
What do I say now????
My husband already ask me what do I have to say to him for him. I say ” I love you” but now those 3 little words that should have always meant so much. Mean nothing. How do you show someone you love them after all the horrible cruel things you have done to them. I see my husband. I see him for the man that he is. I see him for the man he tried to always be for me that I never let him be.
What do I say now ?????
That is the million dollar question. I am running out of time. I fear I already ran out of time years ago. But he loves me. He keeps trying to make a way for me. But I’m lost. I don’t know what to say. What to do. How to prove anything. Especially when he believes nothing I have to say. He tells me all the time he sees no difference between now and when I was having the affair except the OM isn’t here. Which that is my fault because I told him I loved him during the whole affair. I know. I know that is awful and sinister. I get it. But I’m paying for it now.
What do I say now??????
Edited to say. My husband also believes I should know what to do to make him feel a little better. I don’t. That haunts me. Why don’t I know. He says I sure knew how to ruin it I should know how to make it better. Again. I don’t. I’ve asked him what he needs. What he wants. He won’t tell me. I partially think it’s because he doesn’t know either. The other part is he does know somewhat but wants me to be on the same level as him. I mean if I love him I should know what he needs or wants right? Wrong. I have never been in this situation before so I don’t know what anyone would need. Truth. Yes I get that. But if you believe nothing is the truth then we’re do you go from there?